Healthy, positive self-talk -- If you start browsing the internet on this topic you could be overwhelmed with the sheer amount of sites, apps, books, audio books, etc. on this topic. Especially right now at the onset of a new year, we are littered with information and posts on daily affirmations. Even Snoop Dog got into the mix last year with his song containing Affirmations for Children. I think Adults may have loved it more than kids! I know I did.
Why is this? Why are we having to be reminded on a daily basis to be nice to ourselves? Fact: we now live in a world where we are bombed day in and day out on how someone thinks we "should" be... Advertising aimed at reminding us of everything we are not, but here is a way to get there. Little of this daily comparison of our bodies, our clothes, the cars we drive, or the food we eat turns out to be a positive message. Instead it leaves us in a place where we compare, and are shown to be lacking. And lets not forget that billions of dollars have been spent by retailers learning how to send these messages in a way that we will respond to by agreeing that in fact, we are lacking X. We are manipulated subconsciously every single day. And the more time you spend watching TV and browsing the internet on your phone or computer, the worse the effect of this can be on your overall positive mental health.
Last year, a friend of mine told me they spent a day saying out loud to their dog everything they were thinking. This friend reported being a bit shocked at how mean they are to themselves. While we chuckled a bit over that... It set me to thinking. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why are we so hyper critical in ways most people would never think of being to others? Is there a larger purpose in this behavior? Because we all seem to do it. And this person does not own a TV or spend time on the internet. They are, overall, a very healthy, grounded individual.
Is all negative self-talk bad? I really hate that word - bad - as it definitely brings up such negative responses, but it conveys what I want to express here. I think negative self-talk can serve a purpose for us. It can motivate us to do better, to be better. It can remind us to work harder, or faster. It can be our way of kicking our own selves in the arse. But I think this is only helpful if we are aiming it at actions and behaviors, and not at the core of who we are as a human being.
An example. I can do something stupid, and say to myself, "Geez Ang, that was a really dumb thing for you to do. It did not help you accomplish xyz at all. A better choice might have be to do abc next time". This is far different than saying "Geez Ang - you are the stupidest rock in the road. You are so dumb and just never learn, do you? You may as well have not been born". The first points out the error of my behavior and has a suggestion to remedy it the next time. The second is aimed at the core of my being and is a degrading, unhelpful call out regarding who I am, which is in fact, untrue.
Often, people who shoot at their own core do it because it has been done to them as they grew up. A teacher, a classmate, a parent, a sibling - anyone that child respected could have provided these negatuve messages which were then internalized without censor. So it becomes a habit as an adult to keep repeating these to ourselves. A bad habit. A habit that we need to break.
And how do we do that? Through positive self-talk! By taking a few minutes every single day to remind ourselves how great we are... How smart we are... And all the things we will accomplish this day. You know the messages you need to hear... Write them down - text yourself - sticky note your mirror or refrigerator - write them on your hand (my personal fav)... Whatever you need to do to make sure you interject some positive self talk into each and every day this year!
Here's to becoming the best you that you can be!! Here's to an awesome 2023. We got this!
