2025 - Already Almost Done

I realized this weekend that I have not added to my blog site much recently.  When I went just now to see how little I have posted, I was startled to see I did not post this year, at all. And I did not publish last year either, although I wrote one draft.

Writing is something I love.  There is very little that makes me happier than to post some words about any topic I am passionate about. So what happened?  

My silence was brought on by several things.  First, let's talk about politics.  The political environment in the USA started to become decisive, hateful, and extremely heated as we all realized that Trump was going to run again, and likely win.

Why was I silent?  Did I not have an opinion? Was there nothing I felt needed to be said?  Neither of those things are or were true.  The reality was, it was easier to just lean back and blend in.  The peacemaker that is the core of my being did not want to deal with hateful rhetoric and speech from people I not only know and care about, but respected. I really just wanted it all to go away.  Disappear.  Go back to a place that did not touch my world in very real and scary ways.

All of a sudden, 24 is past us and we are full up in the thing I feared the most.  2025 is here and we are a country now governed by individuals I can never even begin to see eye to eye with.  We are making decisions on a daily basis that hurt people in other parts of the world.  I am mortified, I am embarrassed, and I now have no acceptable words or explanations when they say, "Why?"

I feel the pain being created for those that are not white middle and upper class.  The change is real... the pain is measurable, and I am again without words. Responding to the level of insanity that we now have is overwhelming at best.

Mostly, I just want to crawl in a hole and hope it is all over.  Soon.  But not sure it ever will be. And this creates the need to have real and serious discussions on everything.  Can we align ourselves with other humans whose goal is destruction of those not like them? 

So the political environment is hard, complex, destructive. I am willfully silent because I am lost, and afraid.  This is number 1.

The second thing though was self-reflection gone sideways.  I decided without ever discussing this or verbalizing it, that I was not worthy of speaking publicly.  I decided if my life could not be perfect, then I had nothing worth saying.  The last 2 years were exceedingly stressful personally, and I made some choices I could have lived without.

I decided that the political hideout I had created had plenty of space to be a personal hideout as well. And this is where I have been.  Hiding out. Acting out. Pretending. Placating. 

This season is now ended.  I blew up the hideout the other day. And when the smoke and dust settled, there it was --- my voice. Good as ever and ready to go back to doing what I do best - speaking my truth. At home, at work, wherever I may be.  

The silent season was important.  It helped accomplish what was needed.  Now moving on.