Time Warp on Writing

I was digging in the"art room" the other day trying to find something.  In our new house, this room does not denote the place where art is made.  (Ha.)  It denotes the place where art of many forms is stored.  It is stored there while we try and figure out what type of "style" we are, so we can decorate this new house.  Pretty sure we are still thinking about that.  (We have reached out to friends for much needed help!)

At any rate, while I was digging around, I opened up my trunk.  This trunk contains all manner of items I have saved for eons.  I could post pictures on TBT for ten years and not repeat high school pics!  One of the more interesting items I found was a diary.  I actually sat down and read it for a bit.  It dated back to my birthday of my tenth year.  At this point in life, I think I officially started recording my thoughts, in one form or another.  The diary itself has entries spanning at least 4 years - at some point I will publish some of the funnier entries.  Oh the mind of an adolescent!

This particular diary had each dated page divided into 5 sections - and the idea was you wrote in the year and used it as a 5 year diary.  The diary writing space was always too short for me (I have forever and a day been talkative and wordy - I know -- Surprise, surprise!). So as I aged, I moved to journal writing.  I fell in love with blank books - custom made books, and pens.  I love the process of actually putting pen to paper even today.  Using the computer or one of many of the devices I can dictate or type into is just not the same.

So during my young adult life, I am sad to report that the only journal to survive over time was my poetry journal. All of the other journals - and there were many, got destroyed through the years.  In some cases - this was probably good.  Writing in a journal is often a cathartic activity for many of us, which causes us to fill the pages with the negative images that drive us crazy. For me, ofttimes those pages were dark, depressing, and confused - sometimes unkind - to myself as well as others.  Conversely, I am sure I must have captured something else besides the darkness, but in the end they were all destroyed - the good as well as the bad.

I decided this was probably OK.  I wrote them for myself.  I wrote them to heal myself.  I wrote them to keep myself sane, and together.  I wrote them because my private self was at war with my public self, and doing it's damnedest to tear me in two. I wrote them for many many reasons - and they served their purpose well.  So while I briefly lamented not having a written record of myself, I realized it is probably just as well. Thankfully, I am not the person I was in my 20's, or 30's and have changed even through my 40's.  Now I am approaching my 50's and I hope that I see the evolution of a whole new me again!  This time though - I may capture it in these pages!